Self-Love for Mental Health: Unlocking Real Happiness from Within!

A few days ago, I met one of my friends who lives in the Netherlands when she visited Chennai during her vacation trip to India.  She was sharing the lifestyle there, and in the conversation, I noticed that she mentioned ‘self-love’ two to three times. That was totally new for me! Seeing my reaction, she started explaining. Self-love, putting it in simple words, “It’s just building a relationship with yourself that’s rooted in kindness, respect, and honesty”. She further added, “Unlock your emotional well-being and lasting joy by learning to treat yourself with compassion, respect, and care—every single day”.

Although this applies to both men and women, in India, women seem to be somewhat lost in terms of their own identity and living preferences. The reason is that the Indian family and society structure are such that a woman is supposed to take care of everyone else in the family and even extended families.

The lives of women are very different from men. What women go through in terms of, after marriage, being a wife and daughter-in-law, and then a mother, and you know, the responsibilities keep on increasing. In this scenario, becoming independent, not only financially or professionally, but also emotionally, is a real task.

Then I asked her when and what made her realise that, she gave a lengthy reply! In her own words: “For a long time, I thought self-love was something other people talked about but didn’t actually do. It felt like one of those vague ideas—nice in theory, but not something I had time for between work, family, and everyday stress.(She is working there in a higher administrative position in a renowned organisation)

But the truth hit me one day when I realized I was constantly putting myself last. I was tired, overwhelmed, and mentally drained—not because life was unusually hard, but because I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I needed to. (This sounded to me as if she was reflecting my mind!))

That’s when I started to understand what self-love really means. It’s not about being perfect or doing everything right. It’s about showing up for yourself with patience, kindness, and a little grace, even on the messy days”.

She continued, “For me, self-love started in small, unexpected moments. Like the time I forced myself out of bed on a Sunday morning just to sit quietly with a cup of tea—no phone, no to-do list, just me. It didn’t seem like much at the time, but it was the first moment I chose rest over guilt”. Is this what you want, dreaming for so long?

Another one she told was very much apt to me: “I had to say no to a social event even though I feared disappointing people. My anxiety screamed, They’ll think you’re flaky! But I knew I was emotionally drained, and pushing through would only leave me feeling worse. That small “no” was actually a big “yes” to myself”.  

That was a lengthy but fruitful discussion with her that gave me a vague idea about “Self Love”. That was interesting, and I felt it would be good if I also practiced that. But I did not get a clear idea about how to practice self-love.  

So, what is self-love? As I do for each of my blogs, I did some small research and clarified my doubts with some suitable persons.

I asked this question to my other friend, who is an emotional wellness coach. She simply said, “Choose to be on your own side”. And, she started elaborating on that: it’s treating yourself with the same patience and understanding you give others.

• You need not be perfect all the time, sometimes you can be less than you are expected.
• Say “no” without needing to explain if you don’t feel like doing that.
• Some days you might feel lazy, want to do nothing, just rest without guilt.
• Sometimes you might make a mistake, don’t punish yourself for it. Just learning from it is good enough!
• Showing up for yourself, especially when you’re feeling low.
  

It’s a practice. Some days you’ll get it right, other days you’ll slip into old habits—and that’s okay. Self-love isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about getting better at choosing yourself, over and over again.

When I asked her whether this Self-Love is essential for Mental Health and Happiness and if so how it matters her reply was, “Definitely, yes!” and here’s why self-love makes such a big difference to our mental well-being: when you treat yourself with kindness, your default mood becomes more balanced, more grounded. You feel safe with yourself, and that’s a powerful kind of peace. We can say it increases overall happiness! 

When you stop beating yourself up for every mistake or shortcoming, your mind feels lighter. You stop carrying the constant pressure to be perfect, and that alone brings relief, thus reducing your Stress and Anxiety!

Further, loving yourself/accepting yourself even if you are not flawless helps you set healthy boundaries, communicate more openly, and attract relationships that feel mutual and respectful. Definitely, it improves our relationship with others!

That was very interesting and timely information for me, as I was just searching to do something that could give me a sort of mental peace and happiness from within. I often look for happiness in external places—relationships, achievements, and approval from others. But the truth is, none of those things can fully fill me up. That’s where I could relate to self-love for that. So, with more eagerness, I asked her, Well, that is amazing to know about self-love, but tell me how to practice it in my life daily, and is it not too late for me to start at this age? She laughed loudly as if I had made a big joke and said, “it’s good that you realised at least now that your mental health is taking the hit first, giving priority to others putting yourself at the last and how much emotional energy you were wasting by simply being too hard on yourself”. She continued as she was handling her client.

Self-love isn’t a one-time event. It’s something you build through small, consistent choices. You don’t need to overhaul your entire life—just start where you are, with what you have.

Here are some simple, practical ways to bring self-love into your daily life:

First and foremost, you can start your day with kind words. Before you check your phone or dive into your to-do list, try saying one kind thing to yourself—even if it’s as simple as, “I’m doing my best today.” It sounds cheesy, I know, but your brain listens to how you talk to yourself. Feed it something good.

The second important thing is, just write down one thing you’re proud of, one thing you’re grateful for, or one thing you forgive yourself for. It’s a gentle way to shift your focus from criticism to compassion.

This one was hard for me. Saying “no” felt like letting people down. But she said boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary. Start small: maybe you don’t reply to messages right away, or you take a break without apologizing for it.

Self-love shows up in how you treat your body. Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re tired. Move your body because it feels good—not as punishment for what you ate. Your body is your home; be kind to it. – correct, right?

She further added, as I know you closely, I tell you, ‘Rest is productive. Let go of the guilt around not always being busy. Watch a movie, take a nap, stare at the ceiling. You don’t need to earn rest—you deserve it. Be Okay with Doing Nothing’ . Actually, I loved this and it is a piece of much-needed advice for me!

In this blog, I have shared how self-love would help us find more peace and happiness. To be honest, I have started practicing this recently when I started writing this blog only.(My gratitude to both my friends who introduced me to this wonderful concept).  You may also join me in practicing self love and share your experiences in the comments!