Right Understanding for Fulfilment in Relationship
Right Understanding is the Base for Fulfilment in Relationship – The Top Most Priority for Mutual Happiness and Mutual Prosperity!
Universal Human Values
In the earlier blogs, we tried to get clarity: Physical facilities are required, but they alone can not ensure happiness. We can not live happily just with all the required physical facilities, possessing all that we need and want!
We need Relationships with other human beings to ensure happiness in our lives.
Why are we getting into opposition, arguments and fights, knowing that we need relationship if we want to be happy?
How many best friends are getting into fights? How many breakups in the so-called pure love? How many brothers and sisters have become enemies(!)? How many divorce cases, whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage?
Have you ever thought of this? What could be the possible reason for friends not talking to each other for so long, for, they had some petty quarrels, brothers not talking to each other for years for want of a piece of land, husband and wife going on arguing on an everyday basis, if at all not going for a divorce, …
Yes, you are right. That is basically due to Lack of Right Understanding!
Again, I can give an example from my friend Keerthi. Why from her, everyone of us, we ourself would have come across some or the other incidences in this context, right? We might have said many times, ‘oh, sorry, I thought you said like that’. Or heard from our loved ones after a heated argument like, ‘I misunderstood what you said, sorry’. Isn’t it?
Now, let us explore whether we can ensure the fulfillment in the relationship without the right understanding? Whether we can ensure fulfillment in the physical facilities we have without right understanding?
What do we mean by right understanding? Seeing things as it is, the reality in its completeness.
Let me share a small incident.
A man bought a new car which was his long-time dream. He found his son picking a stone and having scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man hit the child’s hand many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. The child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. Distressed by his own actions, sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’. Though he loved his son, the lack of right understanding made him commit such a horrible thing to his own son! Like this, we face various situations in our day- to- day life with the persons close to us.
He should have checked what the child had scribbled, if he had seen that, he might not have got angry with him. Even if the child had scribbled something stupid, fine the child has scribbled what is the problem now? He should have had the understanding that after all it is a car, a physical thing got damaged and he can anytime get that fixed. Also, by beating the child, can the damage made to the car be reversed?
This is what is right understanding: What has happened has happened, by punishing his son he can not clear the damage(!) made to his car, the damage is made to a car which is just a physical facility which can be rectified at any time, the child has expressed his love towards his father and not anything wrong knowingly. The intention of the child was pure, he wanted to make his father happy and he expressed his love in the way he knew. Ask yourself, what is the big problem in this?
We, as a human being aspire for continuous happiness, right? How can we achieve this? Our aspiration to be happy is fulfilled by ensuring right understanding, right feeling and right thought in our self.
When I say this, I recall what my brother Govind said in this context, “Why should I only have the right understanding? Understanding means between both, when the other is not understanding me, why should I only consider them?”. The same question was from my friend Anu also. “Is it not understanding from both the sides?”
Right understanding is to see the reality as it is, in it’s completeness. First let us develop the right understanding in our ‘self’. By seeing our behaviour, the other also would like to get the right understanding and at that time we might help them with the feeling of complementarity.
He will be like that only, it will happen like that only, she will always talk like this, she will never accept her mistake etc. – we have piled up our assumptions like a big mountain! We have developed lots and lots of preconditioning. What could be the age of our preconditioning? Any guesses?
A child, he may be at the age of 3 or 4 years, poured all the turmeric powder and the kum kum kept at the pooja room on the floor and made it colourful!. Then, he went in search of his mother and brought her to show what he has done, so proudly. Do you know what the mother did? Chup! A good beating to the kid. Alas, the child learnt that he should hide such things from his mother, or else he will get beaten up. First preconditioning!
Yes, the age of our preconditioning would be our age minus 3 or 4! We have accumulated the assumptions for such a long time. With the assumptions we had created in us, we jump into conclusions immediately on seeing things without even giving a thought to understand it rightly.
So, it may be little difficult to come out of our preconditioning. But, if we are mindful, definitely we can develop the right understanding!
Right understanding in Relationship will give Mutual Happiness!
Right understanding in physical facilities will lead to Mutual Prosperity! (This I have discussed in my earlier blog, right)
What else in life do we want? Take the first step to develop the Right Understanding and mindfully avoid assumptions!
