Conflict Within Our Own Self – How Can We Resolve It!

This morning when I was leaving our home, Aruni took my laptop bag and said he would walk me to the stop where I would board my van. But, I took the bag from him saying ‘no need, I will go’ and started walking. I reacted as he had not made efforts to repair the two-wheeler for quite some time which he used to drop me. That is a very new scooter and the issue is it is not getting charged. He does his official work and all other work for his friends and relatives. So, I have a question why he is not prioritising this? The next thought is contradicting this: He is also trying to fix it but not getting time for this. When he is compelled to do the other work, how can he do this also? Then again, whatever work he is having, why not give priority to certain important things in our house? … Already he is doing a lot of other compelling things, in that if I also pressurize what he will do … . The whole day I was disturbed with such contradicting thoughts and feelings.

Can you see, how even a very small matter generates the internal contradictions and unresolved emotions leading to the conflict within our own selves?  You also might have experienced this! Have you not?

By adopting certain precautions we can significantly reduce the risk of experiencing severe internal conflicts, though it’s impossible to eliminate all sources of it.

We, you and I, wish to prevent intra-personal conflict(Technical name for the conflict in our own self, the contradictory thoughts in our mind!). Am I right? We may adopt certain mental habits, strategies, and lifestyle practices that promote emotional well-being, clarity, and self-awareness. Taking proactive steps to reduce the sources of conflict can lead to a more harmonious inner state. You can see the sources of conflict are contradicting thoughts, emotions, or competing values. Here are some precautions and preventive measures to help avoid getting into intra-personal conflict:

• The most crucial ones in preventing intra-personal conflict are Self-awareness, understanding our own values(principles we wish to follow in our life), desires, and what triggers our emotions. Cultivating Self-Awareness is the first and foremost in the list of preventive measures to avoid getting into personal conflict/coming out of it, if any! How can we do that?

The best thing we can follow is Mindfulness practices. We can engage ourselves in meditation, journaling, or similar techniques that help us stay connected to our thoughts and feelings. Whatever we are doing and wherever we are, if we make it a routine to observe our thoughts and feelings we can detect the internal conflict in the very early stage itself before it escalates.

Another equally important thing is self reflection! We can identify and set a time for regular introspection, i.e., to ask ourselves questions like: “What do I truly want? What values are important to me? Am I being true to myself?”

• We can see, life is unpredictable, we do not know what life is having for us in the next moment.  Knowing that uncertainty and change are part of life, expecting everything to go exactly as planned can cause frustration. Perfectionism or rigid thinking can lead to internal resistance when things don’t turn out the way you expect. Let us have flexibility in our thinking and our plans and Accept Uncertainty!

• One interesting thing I read somewhere long ago is, “Focusing on what’s positive in our life and being thankful for what we have can shift our perspective and reduce feelings of dissatisfaction or frustration”. So, gratitude can significantly reduce the chance of intrapersonal conflict, what do you say? Keeping a gratitude journal where we write down a few things we’re thankful for each day. This helps to keep our focus on the positives and reduce the internal friction caused by dissatisfaction or comparison. This way we can have a daily gratitude practice!

• Conflicts arise when our actions or decisions are not matching with our core beliefs and values. By understanding and living in alignment with what truly matters to you, the risk of inner conflict decreases. Can you see this? So, aligning our actions with our core values will help. For that, first we need to identify our core values, taking some time we can understand what matters to us, such as family, honesty, relationship with others, empathizing with others, etc. Then whenever we are making any decisions we can check whether the choices we make are in line with our values. Try to recognize when you’re making decisions that don’t align with your values, maybe because of compulsion or to please someone!. This leads to one another important point!

• Many a times, intrapersonal conflict arises from trying to please others or over-committing ourselves, which creates an internal struggle. Learning to say no is essential if the choice is against your values or when our energy or resources are stretched too much. If we’re often sacrificing our well-being for others or neglecting our own needs, it can lead to internal frustration and one fine day we will burst out!.  Ensuring that our physical, mental, and emotional needs are met is important.

• Making decisions with clarity will help us not get into mental contradictions later. Decision-making is certainly a major root cause of intrapersonal conflict, especially when choices involve competing desires or values. I used to get in a great conflict whenever I was drinking coffee! I doubt drinking coffee aggravates the acidity for me, but I love to drink coffee. You can understand how much these contradicting thoughts would have disturbed me! To avoid such internal turmoil, take steps to make decisions, whether it is as simple as taking a coffee to any big ones more deliberately and confidently: (i)Gather all relevant information and consider the pros and cons. (ii) Refer back to your core values when making decisions. Knowing what’s important to you can guide your choices and (iii) Avoid overthinking,  it can often amplify the confusion and stress associated with decision-making. 

• Finally, We can see that when we constantly question our abilities or criticize our decisions, we increase inner tension. Let us understand that negative self-talk, such as self-criticism or doubt, can contribute to internal conflict. So, what can we do to avoid negative self-talk? Remind ourselves of our strengths, achievements, and positive qualities!

We can remember these points to avoid getting into intra-personal conflicts and live a peaceful life! Actually, each strategy needs to be explored in detail and understood, right?