A Sweater is a Dress Worn by a Child When the Mother Feels Cold!
Shall we change this! Let us understand the needs of our children and be supportive!
Youngsters, if they think differently and have a different passion, the struggle they face in convincing their parents and others is more than the struggle of pursuing their passion itself!
I shared how Laven had to convince his parents to pursue his passion to become a public speaker and trainer. They had been worried about his future until they saw that he had established his company and it was going well. In the same way, Rony’s mother was also worried and asked herself how he would live his life with this art alone without having a permanent job.
Our daughter Niranjana also came up with a proposal to join a root-level social work organization in Himachal Pradesh after completing her M.A. in social work at TISS Mumbai. First, we were not for that as it is far from Chennai and the salary she was offered was very low compared to those so-called ‘good’ jobs. We discussed it with her and asked her to think again and decide. When she said that even if the salary is less she will be happy in that job we had given our consent.
We have seen parents imposing their interests on their children. “I wanted to do engineering but could not, so my son/daughter has to do engineering”! “I wanted this, but could not, so my child should get it”. That’s what is the thought of many parents!
My favorite toy when I was a child was a baby girl doll with a nice pink frock and it would blink its eyes. I saw a similar one when I went shopping with Aruni and told him that it was my childhood favorite. Seeing my excitement he suggested we get one for our baby girl who was around 3 years old at that time. When I gave that doll to her, I was totally disappointed by her response! She did not get any excitement on seeing that doll and just kept it aside after a few minutes!
We guide our children based on the experiences we had in our lives. The time when we were young was different, the environment was different and the opportunities and the exposure we had were also different. Now, our children are living in an entirely different environment. Their exposure is more and the opportunities they have are plenty.
When we were young, medicine and engineering were dreams for many, we expect the same now and advise our children to do medicine or engineering. I liked that doll and expected that my daughter would also like it!
Now there are various fields of study and children have good exposure to great opportunities.
So, when our children want to do something different, why don’t we listen to them and have a discussion on the pros & cons of that instead of blindly refusing their request!
Not only in the major decisions but also in their small likings they are finding it difficult to do it in their interest if their parents and others are not convinced!
A small example is the struggle my daughter had to convince us not to wear any makeup during her wedding. Our close relatives and friends who are our well wishers felt bad for knowing this. I was also not for ‘no makeup’ and advised her in many ways that she had to wear at least a simple makeup.
Also, for the reception I wanted her to wear a very grand silk saree, but she wanted only a simple one for that occasion also.
We had discussions many times about these two things, I was advocating that this was a one-time event, a lifetime memory, etc. I even emotionally asked her why she was not accepting anything that we were asking her to do. As I expressed my anxiety with our family friends they also started advising her on these.
When she said if she wore makeup she would feel like someone else and wanted to be ‘she’ during her special day…., I could accept that. Imagine how much pressure was on her and finally, after a great struggle, she made me understand her feelings. 👍🏻
If we remember ‘A Sweater is a dress worn by a child when the mother feels chill!’, we might not make such mistakes to our loved ones 👍🏻
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