Let’s Assist Others In Taking Decisions, Not Take Decisions For Others !
Let’s assist others in taking decisions – Let’s not take decisions for others based on our assumptions and give advice!
My friend Krishna got his daughter Sumathi married to Shankar who is living in Australia three and a half years ago. They have a two year old baby girl now. Sumathi is having some issues with her in-laws and they were harassing her a little violently also, I believe. Shankar took his parents’ side and told Sumathi to listen to whatever his parents were saying. Krishna suggested his daughter to get separated from her husband as he is also supporting his parents in this matter. But, Sumathi was worried about this separation as this might affect her daughter’s future and wanted to find a smooth solution for this issue.
Seeing his daughter suffering, as a father, Krishna could not tolerate and advised her to go for separation and now they are separated. But, Sumathi feels they could have been a little patient and found a better solution for that.
I am just wondering whether what Krishna did was correct or not? I think he should have discussed with his daughter about all the possible solutions citing their pros and cons and allowed Sumathi to take the final decision. What do you think? Let me give you some sources for my thought:
- My fellow professor, a very senior person, who is traveling with us in our college vehicle used to be very calm and quiet. He will not give any comments or suggestions when we, the others are discussing any topic. But, if we ask him for his opinion, he will give some wonderful points from his experience! He had a policy that he will not interfere in any others’ matters and not give any advice or opinion unless or otherwise we ask him for his guidance, even if he knew that we were still struggling with that problem. I admire his attitude, he will neither poke his nose in others’ business nor voluntarily give suggestions and also he will not give any lengthy advice!
- Few months ago, my daughter Niranjana got job offers from two different organisations: one is a well established, 23 year old community centric organisation and the other is a few year old startup which is also working on providing community centered solutions. She had to make a decision to join any one of the two and both were equally good but in different aspects. I suggested that she could ask her would-be husband Devesh (recently they got married) about which organisation she should choose as he is also in the same field, working for a social work organisation. Evening when I asked her which organisation he recommended, she said they discussed the opportunities and the nature of the work etc and now it was only she who should decide, of course, based on their discussion and her passion. Finally, she chose one and joined.
My learning is that everyone, irrespective of age, gender or position, wants to take the decision on their own in any situation they are involved in. If any of my dear ones approach me for my guidance, I can have a quality discussion and only facilitate their decision- making. Rather than me taking the decision on their behalf and advising them to follow that, I can help them to explore and find a solution which is naturally acceptable for them.
Am I making sense here, what do you think? Do you appreciate the lesson I learnt ? What about you !
There is story: There was a king who got defeated by another one. The king who won the battle wanted to get married to a beautiful Princes. But, she had given him a condition that only if he answers her question she will marry him and the question is “What does any woman want?” So, he asked the one who lost the battle if he could answer the question he will return the kingdom that he lost. This king looked out to many people for the answer but those answers he got were not satisfying . Finally, someone gave the clue that there was a witch living in some other country who can give the correct answer. So he took his friend along with him to meet to her. She said she can give the answer only if the friend agrees to marry her. She was very old and extremely ugly. But, for his friend, the king of his country he consented to marry her and after the wedding happened she gave the answer as “A woman wants to be independent so that she can decisions on her own”. The king was happy with this answer and he returned the kingdom to our friend king! the other part of the story goes like this: That witch told her husband, you are so good at heart and you sacrificed your life for your friend, so, I am going to tell you one thing. I will be like this for 12 hours and very beautiful for other 12 hours. Tell me which look you prefer? For that he replied, that is your decision, I have married you and I would like you anyway. Immediately, that witch turned into an extremely beautiful woman and said, you allowed me take my own decision so, I decide to remain beautiful like this always.
This story clearly says, everyone would like to take their own decisions, right?
